Change

Thank you for taking the time to read this!

As you all know we have always wanted a larger family, but we have decided through much prayer, that our family is the size that God wants it to be and are closing the door on the dream of a bigger family.  

For those of you that may be members of our church or who have prayed for guidance from God and received answers, we know you will understand what it means when we say that this “feels right and good”. For those who maybe aren't religious the best way I can describe it is a gut feeling that says, "You've got this! You're doing the right thing." We've already taken steps to get rid of baby items, and it still feels right. So we are continuing with this decision.

We understand many of your thoughts you after having as you read this.

“Have you tried ______”

"You're still young, you have plenty of time"

"Why don't you wait to make this decision after you've finished school"

"What can we do to help?"

We have been blessed with the opportunity and guidance, three different times, to consider adopting a child. We found all the right and necessary materials to prepare to bring this child into our family, only to find out that the child was just barely adopted or otherwise unavailable to us. We saw 4 different medical professionals to guide us on our journey; one was even specialized in my syndrome. We had many tests performed on us to rule things out. We underwent a surgery to make sure that all the tests hadn't missed anything. We tried going dairy-free, the “we” is used very loosely here… =).  We took different hormones that are supposed to increase the chances of pregnancy significantly, only to find they didn't do anything for us other than give weird side effects doctors had never seen before. All of this felt right. Nothing ever felt wrong. We haven't hid much of this journey from Ellie. She came to many blood draws, many doctors appointments, she helped us prepare things for a new baby, she saw pictures of children we were considering bringing into our home, and she understood what the surgery was for. We feel that we have done everything we could in order to grow our family, and for reasons unknown to us, we feel that our family is meant to be its current size.

Yes we are young and still have "plenty" of time. (I find that statement funny given the fact that each year, as a female, your fertility level decreases.) But what you may not see, because we purposefully tried to hide it, is that I cannot emotionally take the loss of a dream month after month as I have for the past 3.5 years.

It's true that we could wait until after school. But we both feel like we will not experience the blessing of watching and feeling my belly grow, the blessing of midnight feedings, the blessing of dirty diapers, the blessing of potty training. What we do know is that it has been a fantastic learning and growing experience for our little family and we will enjoy all the baby nieces and nephews that join the big family!

What can you do for us? Continue to pray for us as we make this transition. As with any drastic change made to your future, it comes with a grieving period for the loss of a dream. We are grateful for all the support you have given us over these last few years. Please continue to love us and to share your joys and journeys with expanding your families! Ask us questions, if you have any, please share cookies with us, and share this with anyone you have been open with regarding our journey! =)

General Conference Traditions

Dear readers,

Are you still there? Sorry it has been over 2 months since I've written. I actually have one post stuck in draft form and another stuck in my head. I can't come to write/post them. They are more personal than anything I have ever written and don't know if I can publish them to be available by anyone with internet access in the world. We will see. Until then, here is a lighter post with pictures!

General Conference was this past weekend and we have some fun traditions we want to share!

We build a bed out of blankets!     Set a specific candy for a word, when spoken we get to eat it!

We make the Dawson ham, cream cheese, and pickle snack! TOTALLY delicious!

Mr. Dawson and I took a guess as to who would speak in the first two sessions!

              

Ellie might have gotten a sugar high....

                                        

Cuddles with daddy

And lastly, being a dare devil with no hands!

To answer any questions, yes we really do have a TON of blankets, we also might have used our 3 body pillows to help out with the blanket bed.

No I initially didn't eat the Dawson creation. I thought it looked and sounded gross, but I have come to really like it and even crave it occasionally!

Ellie doesn't always sit still, but she gets excited for conference because we are excited, and the candy helps her to focus and sit and listen! In October I plan to add celery sticks and carrots to help tame the sugar crashes! =)

So many things!

I am so grateful for all of the men and women that serve our country!

I have family history of relatives serving all the way back into the Revolutionary War!

Almost one person in each generation has fought for our country one way or another!

I am so grateful to them for risking all they have to provide us with safety and freedom!

I am so grateful for miracle babies.

I understand that every baby is in their own right a miracle.

But for this gratitude mini paragraph, I am grateful for the ones that give their moms and dads hope.

The ones that parents have been fighting to conceive.

The ones that fight to make it into this world alive.

The ones that try their hardest, but are called back to our Father before we get to know them.

I am so grateful to each and every one of those miracle babies.

I am grateful for families.

I am so grateful that we are so tightly knit to each other!

I am grateful that we get to visit with each of our families a few times a year!

I am so grateful that we can talk on a weekly basis and receive updates!

I am grateful for the opportunity I have to work with the Young Women in my church.

Ages 12-18!

They are an amazing group that keeps me on my toes!

We laugh together, welcome each other, and do our best to always love each other.

They are such a great group of girls that I love.

I love watching the way they face their daily challenges and learn from them.

They are going to be tremendous women and leaders when they leave their nests!

5 Things I Am Grateful For!

1. I am grateful for Ellie and the joy she brings us!

Everyday she shows me something new to appreciate.

I also love the way her brain works as she discovers things.

2. I am grateful for Mr. Dawson's new job!

We have been so blessed to find a new job immediately after an old one falls through.

This time Mr. Dawson found the job before he heard that they were letting all interns and some regularly salaried people go!

3. I am grateful to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints!

I know of the truthfulness of the gospel that is taught and am so grateful to have that knowledge lead and direct my life.

4. I am grateful for my budgeting skills!

I might not be 100% perfect, but it sure has helped us make sure we save and spend money wisely!

5. I am grateful for my violin talents!

I know that these last two sound kinda snobby, but I am completely serious!

Without my violin skills I wouldn't be able to support my family with the little bits I earn each month from teaching!

My Absolute Favorite Weekend That Happens Twice a Year!

My absolute favorite weekend that happens twice a year is here! I love when the weather starts to cool down, I love that pumpkin becomes a popular flavor in foods, I absolutely love conference! 

You can go here to see all the different ways you can view it!

It is the weekend that I soak in all the words that Heavenly Father wants so much for us to hear. It's the time where I get to reflect on my spiritual and non-spiritual habits and see how I am doing, where I might need to work harder, or stress less! Sometimes this weekend is when I realize how empty my vessel, as in the parable of the 10 virgins, has or hasn't become. 

I have found over the years that each session of conference has at least one talk that I feel was 100% meant for me! That Heavenly Father specifically directed a particular leader to write his/her talk with the direction I need to move forward in my life. I also found that if I get dressed in my sunday best and watch conference, I am less prone to fall asleep! 

I am so grateful to know that there are living prophets and apostles on the earth today and that they are here helping us get back to our Heavenly Father! 

I'm sorry this got posted late! I thought it would automatically post this morning, obviously it didn't....I'll have to figure out why later! 

For now, I hope you take a look and maybe even try watching tomorrow! 

If anything I think the music is amazing!

So far these are the selections available with separate links that I LOVED!

I hope you enjoy them as well!

Medley of Hymns

More Holiness Give Me

Israel, Israel, God Is Calling

Love at Home

Be on the look out for when I post about the talks that felt like they were written just for me!

25/31 Things: Defining Moments

{To know what I am talking about, and to see past 31 Things posts, start here...}

25. What was one of the most defining moments of your life, perhaps a moment that changed you forever, a moment that took you down a different course, anything.

**********

I've been trying to write this post for over 2 weeks now!
I was trying to formulate the correct words and sentences to be able to really write about the experiences that changed my life.
There are 2 experiences that I KNOW changed me forever.
And yet, because of the sensitive and personal nature of the experiences, I haven't been able to completely figure out how to tell an unknown audience about them. 

But here is the sum up:
I was faced with a very hard decision twice in my life.
Summer of 2009 and Spring 2012
Revolving around the same topic.
This is when I learned and relearned about the truth of forgiveness.
But not only that.
I learned that I can do hard things.
I learned SO much more about myself than I knew previously.
I learned that I don't need to rely on others to make my life go round,
I truly can take care of myself and be independent.
I learned of God's love for me, and how strong that is.
I also learned how much He loves ALL of his children.
I learned that trust is precious, more precious than all the riches in the world.
I learned that trust is easily lost, but it can be earned back, slowly.
I learned that when I love, I love deeply and with my whole heart.
I learned that because I love with my whole heart, when it breaks it's more of a shatter.
It's painful and terribly hard to put back together your heart when it shatters, but it is possible to do it!
(Especially with the help of our Father.)
I have learned that no matter what hardships come my way, I can and WILL make it through the storm.
I can do hard things!

20/31 Things: Forgiveness

{To know what I am talking about, and to see past 31 Things posts, start here...}

20. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

**********

You know how you read blogs, or just look at other couples, and it makes you feel insecure? That voice in your head saying, "They seem happier than you do. More fashionable. More compatible. More fertile. They probably make a lot of money. They probably make love five times a week. I bet she's a better wife, and doesn't complain. I bet he always remembers to take out the trash." 

And on and on...

Well, some of those things are true! Maybe at that moment in time they actually are happier than you. Maybe they have figured something out that you don't know. I don't know how those hypothetical couples can be so perfect. All I know is my relationship. And let me tell you, marriage is not always bliss. Did you expect that from me? 

I know, I know. You ALL think I have the most perfect life that is amazing and happy. But let me tell you, Mr. Dawson and I have been through it all in the past 4.5 years. Only a few people know the full story. Would you believe me if I told you that after 6 months of marriage we were instantaneously hanging on my a thread, maybe 4 threads? It's true. There were lots of tears, anger, compassion, prayers, doubts, tweaking this thing, tweaking that thing. It was only a little over a year ago that threads started being picked up and bound together. We had lots to pick up, discard, and create. We had had over 2 years of a continuous roller coaster marriage. 

I only share this with you now because I think that now that we have had a little over a year with no threads threatening to break, I think we have come out on the other side! (And you thought you knew everything about us by reading this blog? Proof that blogs are just a peek at someones life!)

I am not going to specifically list all the things that were hard for me to forgive, as I know Mr. Dawson can most assuredly recall things that were hard for him too, but I do want to share this:

It's okay if your life doesn't look like a fairy tale. I betcha no ones does. Ever notice that the Disney movies don't ever portray the drama that happens after marriage? They never talk of cohabiting with someone, struggling through overcoming a habit that is toxic to the relationship, changing individually and together, and continuing to find that love amidst the change and hard times. It makes sense as to why the divorce rate is so high! Marriage is hard work! The way "work" looks is different for everyone. And depending on the circumstances it may be harder hard work for some. As long as you still have real love for each other, I know that the hard work and change it takes to make a marriage work is worth it.

I am totally not advocating that you stay in any relationships that may bring physical harm to you or that  may make you miserable and bring you down. That is completely different. And I believe that is not a relationship worth staying in. There were times, in the darkest of the times, that when I asked myself if I still loved Mr. Dawson and if I should keep working to work things out, that I knew WITHOUT hesitation that the answer was a resounding YES! When I asked him those same questions, he would answer the same. So we knew that we could do it, that he was worth it, that we both knew our relationship was worth it. When your hearts aligned, you find a way to make it. Your love for each other becomes deeper, more real, full of respect, and honest.

18/31 Things: Religious Beliefs

{To know what I am talking about, and to see past 31 Things posts, start here...}

18. Share your religious beliefs and how you came to believe in them.

**********

I know that this subject can be very touchy. 

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs.

And because everyone is entitled to their own beliefs I am allowed to share mine!

But in attempt to prevent snarky comments from being posted, please think on this:

I am sharing my beliefs because it is part of who I am.

And I want people to better understand it!
I came to believe in this church by searching for answers, praying, and trusting in our Father.

I am not perfect, nor are the people who belong to my church.

We are ALL imperfect people trying to do the best we can while trying to follow our perfect example, Jesus Christ.

So please don't leave rude comments, 

I will take matters into my own hands and delete them if they are truly hateful and disrespectful.

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Simply stated,

I am a Mormon.

I know that Christ walked the dusty roads of Palestine teaching how to return back to our Heavenly Father!

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior, my Redeemer, the son of God, and my older brother!

I know he lives!

I know that He suffered and was crucified for my sins, sorrows, and pains!

I know that He understands every trial and fear that comes my way!

Because I know this I am able to turn to Him when I am in need of comfort and guidance!

It is through His mercy and grace that I can be saved, as long as I do my very best here on earth!

I know, by reading, study, and prayer, that the Book of Mormon is a true and correct book!

When I read it I feel good and am at peace with my life!

I know that it was written by people who lived in the Americas around 600 BC-400 AD.

I know that this book was translated by Joseph Smith by the help of God!

And through this knowledge I have come to know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church on this earth!

I know that we have a living prophet who guides us!

I know that our prophet receives direct revelation and guidance from our Heavenly Father!

I know that we are ALL children of our Heavenly Father!

I know that he love each and everyone of us!

No matter our race, circumstances, political stance, and everything you can think of that makes us unique!

Helping a Stranger

I actually have never met this little family, I just came across their story when I saw a link to a beautiful quilt!

The short version is that Kassi, the wife, found out she had a brain tumor in late March.

They performed an emergency surgery the next day.

Found out that the tumor was stage 3 cancer (that's out of 4, so it was pretty bad)

But they couldn't start radiation because she was pregnant.

She had a healthy baby girl via c-section on June 1st, and is now currently undergoing treatments.

Being college students, and so young, they need as much help as they can get!

I have found two sites that are supporting her and would encourage any and all of you to give if you can!

Here's the one to bid on handmade quilts!

http://fortheloveofkassi.blogspot.com

And one to just give a donation!

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/59c2/teamkassi

Even though we've never met! Wishing Kassi a speedy and healthy recovery!

Your little family will be in our prayers!

Placing a Child for Adoption

A friend of mine posted a link to this video on facebook today.

Of course I had to watch it, since it's about adoption!

It's fantastic!

I love being able to hear a birth mother's perspective on things.

How bitter sweet her experience has been.

Then I found Tamra's blog.

(she's the one in the video, in case you didn't catch that)

So beautiful!

I read just three posts:

"talk i wrote for church", "my keynote address for the Central Region Families Supporting Adoption Conference in Denver", and "THIS JUST IN"

So beautiful and amazing!

I am so glad that she is sharing her experience with everyone!

She is shining a light on adoption and helping it become less of a mysterious, scary thing!

I hope that with our journey, being the adoptive parents, that I can share things that will help others understand adoption and be more open to it as well!

What I do know so far is that it is a beautiful thing that strengthens everyone involved!

And that lots of HARD WORK, PRAYERS, FASTING, SACRIFICES, TEARS, and HUMILITY are involved.

Leaving behind BLESSINGS, JOY, LOVE, COMPASSION, PEACE, and FAMILY.

Easter Traditions

We do things a little differently in our house, especially Easter!

On Friday we dye eggs.

This was Ellie's "first" time!

(We didn't get a chance to do it last year and she wouldn't remember her first Easter)

The next morning we do an egg hunt!

Mr. Dawson had to do some service Saturday morning so Ellie and I hid eggs for him, and a few for her!

As soon as he came home they went hunting!

Then we sent Ellie upstairs to watch a sing-a-long and we hid eggs for her.

She was fully aware that we hid eggs for her.

And she was so excited to find them all!

Every time she found one she would say, "Thank you for hiding my egg!"

Another tradition (that ended up not happening for Mr. Dawson this year) we get a new outfit for church. 

It can be a new dress, new shoes, a new shirt, a new skirt, a new tie....you get the idea.

Ellie and I got dresses.

She also got new shoes out of necessity!

=)

The eggs were hidden high and low for Ellie!

These are the eggs we dyed!

Sunday is the day we focus completely on the true reason for Easter.

Here's us girls in our Easter dresses:

This was a new recipe that I tried called "The Cake"

It was DELICIOUS!!!

And addicting!

Consider yourself warned!

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter as well!

Pre-Spring Break

We had my family visit us the weekend before the weekend of our Spring Break

(It was my sisters' spring break)

And unfortunately I didn't take any pictures!!!

Then the weekend that our spring break started Mr. Dawson's parents came and visited us!

Two of the trips that I actually took pictures of were the Kansas City Zoo and Liberty Jail!

Liberty Jail

There is a Silver Lining to Every Cloud

If you will recall these two posts:

Adoption Language and Patience is a Dirty Word

Between these two posts, a crazy roller coaster ride came our way.

The clouds on this ride were ever changing,

Sunshiny, overcast, gloomy, overcast, cumulonimbus, and then back to overcast, and sunshiny!

A few days after writing the first post we found out that we were pregnant!

With shock and excitement and wonder we called the fertility clinic to tell them the news!

Immediately lab work was scheduled to be done to make sure that everything looked good.

Everyone was so excited and shocked that this could be happening!

We pondered why we would feel inspired to start the adoption process if we were to be blessed with a biological child!

I even told Mr. Dawson that if this pregnancy didn't work out, that having already started the adoption process and being so far into it would help me not stick in a funk for very long. 

Then we got some news along with many questions

The numbers weren't looking good

I was told to continue with the last scheduled lab work session, take a certain prescription, and then they would see about an ultrasound.

The last labs didn't come back as happy as they had desired, so an ultrasound was scheduled for the next day.

The doctors and nurses thought the pregnancy might be ectopic.

Ectopic is when a baby implants anywhere but the uterus, most often the fallopian tube.

As the baby grows the tube cannot expand enough to hold the baby....and then the mothers life becomes at risk.

So in we went.

During the ultrasound we found out that it was not ectopic!

BUT the gestational sac was measuring much smaller than it should have been for almost 7 weeks.

They told us that we would do more lab work and continue watching and see what happened

A few days later I miscarried.

Hard as it is to miscarry, I found out in the middle of my day of teaching and still had 2 hours to go.

I put on my brave face, texted Justin, called the nurses in a 5 minute break I had, and continued on.

Earlier that morning I had allowed myself to hope for the best.

Lab work continued, followed by another ultrasound.

My body was doing it's job correctly

More lab work would be necessary to make sure my body finished it's job correctly.

The doctor and nurse appeared to be amazed at how well we seemed to be handling the situation.

I responded by telling them that it first helped in thinking that it was an ectopic pregnancy, my brain was prepared for the fact that I would lose this child. 

When it became apparent it wasn't ectopic and I prayed for strength and knowledge as to what I needed to do, I was comforted. 

I knew that no matter what things would work out!

We will be having another child whether by adoption or biologically!

The best part out of all of this!

Yes, there is a best part, remember I ended with "sunshiny" up top!

My body works!

Well, at least when it decides to work, it can work!

This is amazing news!

We weren't even sure that my body could really conceive on it's own!

And it did!

Who knows how often my body "works"! 

It took us 10 months to get there....

But we are excited about that, to have the knowledge that you aren't as broken as you thought, that is great news!

So we are continuing with the adoption process.

Yes, even though we were able to conceive we feel that we still need to do this and continue with the adoption process. 

We have felt, when we first started the process, that we would someday have another biological child

But today is not that day. 

We are to adopt first and love this child and raise this child with all the love that we have!

Have I mentioned how excited Ellie is to be a big sister!

SO STINKIN' EXCITED!

She claims she is going to have a baby sister.

She is going to play peek-a-boo, feed the baby bottles, hold the baby, and sing songs.

And we are so excited that we get to have another child as well!

Patience is a Dirty Word

I found this blog post many many many months ago. 

Like we are talking in 2012, sometime....

=)

Anyway, I have tried to find a way to "rewrite" what she has written to post on my blog,

But that is totally lame, and like stealing, and she wrote it so amazingly there's no need to alter it!

Please go here

Patience is a Dirty Word

And read it.

I love it!

Here's the part that I love...if you don't want to go read it on her page

=)

She talks about how we read in the Bible that God created the world in 6 days and one day of rest.

Each day in God's time is equivalent to 1,000 years in ours.

With that logic:

1 year is the equivalent of 1 minute and 18 seconds

1 month is the equivalent of 6.5 seconds
This means I am about 31 minutes old
Ellie is about 3 minutes old
Mr. Dawson is about 33 minutes old
Women are only pregnant for 1 minute

Gaining some perspective?
So in the big scheme of things is being patient such a dirty word and a hard thing to do?
No, not really.
The average human lives only 1 hour and 50 minutes....
We are asked to remain faithful for that hour and 50 minutes
Those of you waiting to find your beloved spouse, the time is soon! I mean we are talking minutes and seconds!

I love the way she closes her post,
"When things get tough, does it make sense to rely on your 28 minutes worth of experience? Thinking about it that way sure makes it easy to turn to your Heavenly Father and trust in his endless knowledge."

Can you be patient now that you realize how much of a blip of time we spend here on earth?
How small of a blip that temper-tantrum your toddler just threw is?

So what are you going to do with the time that's left?

#10

I know it's hard to see us, but don't worry!

=)

We FINALLY went to the Kansas City Temple January 19th.

It's beautiful inside and out! 

It was a 3rd new temple for us to go inside together!

Right Direction

I was asked a question today by one of my friends at church.

She was asking about our plans for adoption and if we were so stressed about it.

My answer, "No, not as stressed as thinking about fertility treatments!"

Which is totally true!

But I didn't realize until asked this question that I am honestly not stressed.

Life seems so much easier, better, happier!

I am really not stressed at all about doing this paperwork and better understanding adoption.

By realizing this I am realizing that this truly is what our Heavenly Father wants us to do.

We are on the right path, going the right direction.

I actually couldn't be more excited about all of this!

Adoption

On our Christmas card this year, and on a blog post about miracles, we told everyone that we needed prayers as we started treatments to try and conceive a child with medical help.

Our plan has changed.

Remember my last post about our New Year goals and how we want to align our desires with God's?

That is what we are doing!

We took the end of December and the beginning of January off of making life changing decisions and just enjoyed the holidays with our little girl, each other, and family.

We decided to just ponder the two decisions that we felt so right about making. 

Fertility Treatments and Adoption

To reanalyze it all and focus on not making a decision immediately, but to focus on our family and our Heavenly Father's desires for us.

Amazingly it was just what we needed.

There we were, Mr. Dawson and I, the evening of the 6th discussing what we had fasted for.

Clarification:

In case you don't know, every first Sunday of the month our church has fast Sunday.

To fast is to go without food and drink voluntarily for a certain period of time. 

We believe that fasting combined with sincere prayer can strengthen us spiritually, bring us closer to God, and help us prepare ourselves and others to receive His blessings.

Some times we are asked to specifically fast for something. 

Moisture because we are in a drought, health for a member of our ward who's health is failing....

Other times we are not asked to specifically fast for something and we decide on something as a family that we may need guidance or answers to. 

For one reason or another Mr. Dawson and I never talked about what we were going to fast about until the day was done. 

We ended up fasting for the same thing, different wording of our prayers, but same thoughts.

We came to the understanding that now is not the time for us to seek fertility treatments to try and conceive a child of our own.

We are to follow through with the promptings we received back in September/October about submitting paperwork for adoption!

As soon as we arrived in Lawrence, we gathered the paperwork we had received from the agency months ago, filled it out, and mailed it off!

Within the week we will be starting our home study.

We are still figuring all this out, especially the lingo!

As we do, I hope to keep you informed of what is happening and/or clear up any misconceptions!

We would still appreciate your prayers and also prayers on behalf of a birth mother that we have yet to meet!

We are so excited for this new adventure!

Happy New Year!

I think that 2013 is going to be amazing and full of so many good things!

I am just filled with excitement and hope for this year!

My sister will graduate from High School

We will each turn a year older

We are in our 5th year of marriage

We are seeking out the best way to grow our family and beginning to at on them.

We are starting to look for possible summer internships for Mr. Dawson

We are getting Mr. Dawson ready to officially enter the PHD program this fall.

There are other family resolutions/goals that we are working on, but I think that the biggest one is to make sure that our desires are aligned with our Heavenly Father's desires for us.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Miracles

For the month of December I was wanting to share ways that I have seen God's hand in my life.

But I realized that there are many that are too personal to share.

There is one, technically four, miracle(s) that I am finally comfortable in sharing with you!

I have been diagnosed with PCOS

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

Basically I have a hormonal imbalance that has affected my reproductive system.

If you want to know the details about PCOS click HERE 

I was diagnosed in NM, after having Ellie, with PCOS but the doctor kept using the words:

"maybe, kind of, looks like, not certain..."

So for the past two years I was never really certain about it.

I was told that it was possible that Ellie was my miracle baby.

Miracle number one!

When we moved to Kansas I knew that I needed to see a doctor who could clarify things 

AND give me a solid answer.

I was visited by two ladies from our church and we got to talking about finding doctors.

One of them mentioned looking into the KU med school program because the doctors they bring in are some of the best in their field and are doing research to learn more!

I followed her advice.

Low and behold I found a doctor who's field not only consists of helping people with fertility problems, but she also specializes in PCOS!!!

Her name is Dr. Sacha Krieg

It was miracle number two!

I set up my appointment and immediately she started me on a bunch of tests to truly find the source of our fertility issues!

On December 6th I met with her and she confirmed that I really do have PCOS.

Miracle number three!

(Yes it is a miracle, because finally after 28 months I have an answer!)

Because I have PCOS I have a 3% chance of getting pregnant on my own each month.

A person without any fertility problems has a 12-25% chance each month

To answer many of the questions that I hear going on in your head:

How is it possible that you didn't need any medical help to have Ellie?

In all honesty, it's because she was meant to come into our lives at that time.

We were ready for a child, and we desperately wanted one.

Our Heavenly Father's timing matched ours and it worked out wonderfully!

We have been so blessed with this little girl!

There are the medical reasons of:

I had symptoms but they weren't doing a number on my body yet; once I got pregnant the changes that came from hormone fluctuations brought the PCOS into light.

And various other reasons.

What do you do now?

Well, the doc is going to put me on a medication called clomid, ovidrel, and perform an IUI.

This should increase my chances of getting pregnant from 3% to 12%!

Miracle number four, medical technology!

My doctor will only perform 3 rounds of this, if they each fail, then we discuss other options.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Just keep us in your prayers.

We realize that all of this is in our Heavenly Fathers hands.

All we can do is try our best to do everything in our power, and acknowledge that he is in control.

I also want you all to realize that we aren't sharing this for pity.

We are sharing this information because we finally have answers that we can tell people!

It's felt like a big secret part of our lives that only our immediate family and a few friends knew about because we've been in the dark for so long! It's nice to finally be able to tell people a true reason why we aren't pregnant with a second kid yet, or why Tresann acts wacky sometimes!

=)

But most importantly, so that way if there is some other couple going through this out there they know they are not alone and hopefully we can help each other!

Labor Day Weekend

We traveled through 3 states Sunday-Tuesday!

We planned on traveling through two, the third one snuck up on us!

The states consisted of driving across Missouri to get to Illinois!

We visited Grandma and Grandpa Bartles who are missionaries at Carthage Jail in Carthage IL!

It also gave us a chance to add to #'s 10 and 29!

Here are the pictures that explain practically what fun was had!

Such a beautiful temple inside and out!

Monday morning Justin and I were able to attend the 8am session.

Ellie getting a tour of the jail from Grandma Bartles

 This is the window Joseph Smith fell out of when he was shot.

This door has the original bullet holes that injured and killed 2 of the men that were in this room with Joseph Smith.

My lack of photographer skills is visible....but just enjoying a walk outside as a family.

Ellie's first time seeing the Nauvoo, IL temple

Inside this building is where Justin proposed to me 4 years ago on July 30th.

We thought we would show Ellie and reminisce a bit!

=)

Trying to give an acorn to a squirrel with Grandma Bartles

All tuckered out from all the fun!

It was such a blast and so awesome that Carthage and Nauvoo are only about 5 hours away from us!