20/31 Things: Forgiveness

{To know what I am talking about, and to see past 31 Things posts, start here...}

20. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?

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You know how you read blogs, or just look at other couples, and it makes you feel insecure? That voice in your head saying, "They seem happier than you do. More fashionable. More compatible. More fertile. They probably make a lot of money. They probably make love five times a week. I bet she's a better wife, and doesn't complain. I bet he always remembers to take out the trash." 

And on and on...

Well, some of those things are true! Maybe at that moment in time they actually are happier than you. Maybe they have figured something out that you don't know. I don't know how those hypothetical couples can be so perfect. All I know is my relationship. And let me tell you, marriage is not always bliss. Did you expect that from me? 

I know, I know. You ALL think I have the most perfect life that is amazing and happy. But let me tell you, Mr. Dawson and I have been through it all in the past 4.5 years. Only a few people know the full story. Would you believe me if I told you that after 6 months of marriage we were instantaneously hanging on my a thread, maybe 4 threads? It's true. There were lots of tears, anger, compassion, prayers, doubts, tweaking this thing, tweaking that thing. It was only a little over a year ago that threads started being picked up and bound together. We had lots to pick up, discard, and create. We had had over 2 years of a continuous roller coaster marriage. 

I only share this with you now because I think that now that we have had a little over a year with no threads threatening to break, I think we have come out on the other side! (And you thought you knew everything about us by reading this blog? Proof that blogs are just a peek at someones life!)

I am not going to specifically list all the things that were hard for me to forgive, as I know Mr. Dawson can most assuredly recall things that were hard for him too, but I do want to share this:

It's okay if your life doesn't look like a fairy tale. I betcha no ones does. Ever notice that the Disney movies don't ever portray the drama that happens after marriage? They never talk of cohabiting with someone, struggling through overcoming a habit that is toxic to the relationship, changing individually and together, and continuing to find that love amidst the change and hard times. It makes sense as to why the divorce rate is so high! Marriage is hard work! The way "work" looks is different for everyone. And depending on the circumstances it may be harder hard work for some. As long as you still have real love for each other, I know that the hard work and change it takes to make a marriage work is worth it.

I am totally not advocating that you stay in any relationships that may bring physical harm to you or that  may make you miserable and bring you down. That is completely different. And I believe that is not a relationship worth staying in. There were times, in the darkest of the times, that when I asked myself if I still loved Mr. Dawson and if I should keep working to work things out, that I knew WITHOUT hesitation that the answer was a resounding YES! When I asked him those same questions, he would answer the same. So we knew that we could do it, that he was worth it, that we both knew our relationship was worth it. When your hearts aligned, you find a way to make it. Your love for each other becomes deeper, more real, full of respect, and honest.