Thank you for taking the time to read this!
As you all know we have always wanted a larger family, but we have decided through much prayer, that our family is the size that God wants it to be and are closing the door on the dream of a bigger family.
For those of you that may be members of our church or who have prayed for guidance from God and received answers, we know you will understand what it means when we say that this “feels right and good”. For those who maybe aren't religious the best way I can describe it is a gut feeling that says, "You've got this! You're doing the right thing." We've already taken steps to get rid of baby items, and it still feels right. So we are continuing with this decision.
We understand many of your thoughts you after having as you read this.
“Have you tried ______”
"You're still young, you have plenty of time"
"Why don't you wait to make this decision after you've finished school"
"What can we do to help?"
We have been blessed with the opportunity and guidance, three different times, to consider adopting a child. We found all the right and necessary materials to prepare to bring this child into our family, only to find out that the child was just barely adopted or otherwise unavailable to us. We saw 4 different medical professionals to guide us on our journey; one was even specialized in my syndrome. We had many tests performed on us to rule things out. We underwent a surgery to make sure that all the tests hadn't missed anything. We tried going dairy-free, the “we” is used very loosely here… =). We took different hormones that are supposed to increase the chances of pregnancy significantly, only to find they didn't do anything for us other than give weird side effects doctors had never seen before. All of this felt right. Nothing ever felt wrong. We haven't hid much of this journey from Ellie. She came to many blood draws, many doctors appointments, she helped us prepare things for a new baby, she saw pictures of children we were considering bringing into our home, and she understood what the surgery was for. We feel that we have done everything we could in order to grow our family, and for reasons unknown to us, we feel that our family is meant to be its current size.
Yes we are young and still have "plenty" of time. (I find that statement funny given the fact that each year, as a female, your fertility level decreases.) But what you may not see, because we purposefully tried to hide it, is that I cannot emotionally take the loss of a dream month after month as I have for the past 3.5 years.
It's true that we could wait until after school. But we both feel like we will not experience the blessing of watching and feeling my belly grow, the blessing of midnight feedings, the blessing of dirty diapers, the blessing of potty training. What we do know is that it has been a fantastic learning and growing experience for our little family and we will enjoy all the baby nieces and nephews that join the big family!
What can you do for us? Continue to pray for us as we make this transition. As with any drastic change made to your future, it comes with a grieving period for the loss of a dream. We are grateful for all the support you have given us over these last few years. Please continue to love us and to share your joys and journeys with expanding your families! Ask us questions, if you have any, please share cookies with us, and share this with anyone you have been open with regarding our journey! =)
