At the bitter edge....

Today is a day that will remain forever ingrained in my memory, or so I hope it will.

I had my first violin lesson of the semester today. Not to mention an orchestra audition and my realization of the levels of classes I am taking this semester. But first things first, the violin lesson.

It was the best of lessons, it was the worst of lessons, it was a lesson of wisdom, it was a display of foolishness...it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, I had all the material before me, I had no of it prepared....Yes that is exactly how the lesson was. Have you every heard of a lesson like this before? Yeah, me neither. Basically here's how it went (and I will try to make it non-musician literate): Carmelo started by asking about my summer and what he had given me to work on. We talked for a bit and then of course he asks me to start off the lesson by playing an etude I hadn't worked all that hard on. So without fail I didn't play so well. Since I expected that, it didn't bother me too much, just enough to cringe and want to apologize for it. My other etudes weren't too bad. Then finally the last thing I play is the piece that I have been working on all summer. So that was the best part of the lesson!!! Hooray! He even said that he was "surprised that you have it down", but now I must start memorizing the piece. Which is only to be expected since it is a standard concerto for the violin. Here comes the juicy part....The lesson is now done and Carmelo is talking to me about violin lessons for the semester. He begins by saying that he has 21 violinist signed up for his studio, 9 of which are grads whom he recruited and must keep, and he would really like to only have 16-17 students. (Imagine me starting to get nervous with this set up to the conversation.) He says that he would like me and Monica to share a time and go every other week to a lesson with David Felburg, the other violin professor. I am in shock!!!! In my opinion my fellow violinist is not that great. In fact she has quite a lot of work that she needs done in her playing and performing ability, but for Carmelo to categorize me with her?!?!?!? Am I blind to how much I really do suck at playing the violin? I mean I realize I have loop holes, that I was under the impression are vanishing and have vanished since I started with Carmelo, but oh no!! Maybe I am as horrible as I thought I was all along, but decided to believe my family and friends!?! So, I am freaking out all in the inside and trying to act calm in front of Carmelo, while he tells me that basically I am loosing him as my professor. I was even trying to figure out how to prove to Carmelo that I not only want, but NEED him as my professor. I mean he is the reason why I am here at UNM, and if he ever did drop me to David (not that David is a bad violinist, cause he's not) I would change my major and drop the Performance part and just stick with Pedagogy and most likely graduate on time. Well I say goodbye and announce that I am off to go find Monica so we can set up a time that works for us and will hopefully work for the profs.....and he says, "Wait, let me check something." He runs to his computer and pulls a list up of the studio and says, "Oh! I was actually thinking of pairing Monica with (this new freshman) not you. I don't know what I was thinking, so don't talk to her until I give you a call this afternoon letting you know what I want you to do." So I leave his office confused, excited that maybe he was confused, and ready to prove to him that I can play well. PS I am still waiting for that phone call.

Orchestra auditions: they came and went is about all I have to say about that.

Class levels: I am taking two 400 level, one 300 level, one 200 level, and 3 100 level. I am basically a mutt in the schooling career. Not just in the fact that I am taking all levels of college at one time, but that I am starting my 3rd year while the school considers me to be finishing it because of all my credits. I am also considered a Sophomore in the school of music because I had to retake my applied violin course last year (for the reason of improving my playing ability, which I personally thought worked). So hooray for me being a mix of levels!

And that folks is the stress that I am already facing and it is only the second day of school.

p.s. I am needing to spend 4 hours a day, at least, practicing, becoming that real music major I should be. So if I turn down invites to do things, be consoled in the fact that Justin and I have to actually plan our times to be together and I will hardly see him this semester as well.